New Year's Resolutions

Attorney Work Product - Privileged and Confidential

A PROCLAMATION FOR 2012

ACTION BY UNANIMOUS WRITTEN CONSENT FOR THE NEW YEAR
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS OF NORMAN BAITS IN RESPECT OF THE YEAR 2012

The undersigned I, a resident of the State of California ("I" or "Me"), hereby take the following actions by written consent and direct that such consent be filed with my personal effects:

WHEREAS, the calendar year 2011 shall terminate on December 31, 2011; and

WHEREAS, the calendar year 2012 shall subsequently commence on January 1, 2012; and

WHEREAS, I desire to pursue a plan of personal perfection development in such calendar year 2012.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that, in my capacity as an obvious candidate for partner a rising fifth-year associate, I set forth herein my resolutions for the upcoming year, effective January 1, 2012. To this end, let it be hereby:

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall thank, orally or in writing, all equity partners in the Corporate Department, in order of suspected profits per partner seniority, for their friendship supervisory efforts in 2011 and shall continue to follow them home on alternate Fridays and park outside their houses, waiting quietly, so quietly reiterate my excitement to work with them over the course of 2012; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall formulate a list of spontaneous conversation topics (e.g. humidity, waterboarding,, earthquake preparedness, hybrid cars) for use with all partners in unplanned social contexts of limited duration (e.g. elevator, gym showers, firm dining room buffet line) and shall make best efforts to implement such list on a biweekly basis; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall not explode in a blind rage derogate from my firm citizenship if my annual bonus is anything less than sixty grand adversely affected by those Occupy Wall Street motherfu-these trying economic times; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall volunteer for at least one pro-bono matter this year; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that Red Bull and Ritalin are not my friends Red Bull and Ritalin are not my friends Red Bull and Ritalin are not my- I shall implement a more effective personal nutrition plan during work hours; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall remember that female all associates get very sensitive when you make jokes about dismembering mannequins suggestions regarding alternate career choices for them; and

RESOLVED FURTHER, that I shall endeavor to be re-elected class chair of the annual firm retreat but shall not again insist on making all junior associates feel my abs during the Corp-versus-Lit water volleyball tourney a mandatory event; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall make no further mentions of Charlie Sheen and/or Dick Cheney as my personal gods, period; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall increase the ratio of my firm-related to non-firm-related Facebook friends by one-third (33%) within six months; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall acquire Facebook friends; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall make proactive efforts to meet and secure a suitable mate, and in furtherance thereof shall analyze the relative merits of the incoming summer associate class eHarmony versus the Mustang Ranch Match.com; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I shall research and advise My assistant to enter appropriate billing codes for the drafting and implementation of this document; and

RESOLVED FURTHER that I am authorized, in my name and on my behalf, to take all actions as may be necessary, appropriate, or advisable to effectuate the foregoing resolutions; and that any and all actions heretofore or hereafter taken by Me in furtherance of the objectives set forth herein are hereby approved, ratified, and confirmed in all respects ... and any party who doesn't like them can take this pen and jam it into their auld lang sy- happy New Year.

[ SIGNED ] December 31, 2011

Norman Baits is a pseudonym for an associate at a large national firm.

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