‘Diet Coke with my Duck a L’Orange, s’il vous plait’

It was April in Paris and the Charlie Parker classic was playing in my mind as I stood in front of Notre Dame. Brian, the American company President, Franz, the French/Swiss business investor, and I had spent all morning walking the streets of Paris discussing our negotiation strategy with a large French fashion brand. (Individuals and company names have been changed due to a subsequent confidential settlement agreement.) After several years of successful business, tensions were high amid a territorial dispute and a looming expiration of the contract term. Negotiations had stalled and we were at an impasse with the French company. Lawyers had been consulted and lawsuits were beginning to brew. Franz, the Swiss Investor asked: "Have either of you ever experienced La Tour d'Argent?" La Tour d'Argent is a monument of French cuisine. In France, it's almost akin to a haj. You have to make the pilgrimage at least once in your lifetime. Michelin Rated and founded in 1582, it is the most recognized culinary institution in France. Getting a reservation can take months. "Let's walk over and see if we can get in for lunch," said Franz. This isn't the Cheesecake factory, and you don't just put your name on the waiting list and get handed an electronic device that buzzes and flashes when it's your turn for deep fried avocado eggrolls.

"Bonjour messieurs, bienvenue a La Tour d'Argent." We entered and were immediately ushered to the vestiaire where we were sized up and given jackets and ties. Franz explained that the iconic dish was the pressed duck, "Le canard a la presse." The ducks are raised at the restaurant's private farm and each patron that orders it is presented with a postcard and a serial number for their duck. Brian and I ordered the duck. A few minutes after our orders came the sommelier, "alors les messieurs on commander le canard a la presse" and then turned to Franz "et monsieur a commander le poisson." He opened his book of spells and suggested a white wine that would pair well with both the duck and the fish. Brian blurted out: "I'll have a diet coke to start." The sommelier slammed the book closed and said: "We don't have ze diet coke here!" and stormed away. Franz was mortified. He tried to explain to Brian that it was very insulting to order diet coke at such an establishment. Brian dug in: "Well I am the client, and the client is always right. If I want a diet coke dag nab it that some bitch is gonna bring me one." The meal continued in heated debate. After our main course the arrival of the salads added more fuel to the fire. Brian started cutting up his lettuce with his knife and fork. Franz, already irritated, told Brain that we do not cut our salad we fold it. Brian responded in kind that he was going to eat the way he saw fit and added that he didn't understand why they didn't serve the salad before the main meal. A rift had now grown between Franz and Brian, and it arose out of a seemingly inconsequential rule about culinary etiquette. Inconsequential to Brian, very important to Franz.

Over the next few days as we prepared for our negotiation with the French company, I spent a tremendous amount of time mediating the rift that had grown between Franz and Brian. Franz was learning about country music and Brian was becoming a culinary expert on etiquette and French cuisine. They formed a wonderful friendship and joked about the diet coke at La Tour d' Argent. Franz helped Brian replace the Brooks Brothers suit for Yves Saint Laurent and YSL loafers in preparation for our big negotiation with the French Brand. Brian looked like a stylish French businessman and his cultural etiquette had taken leaps and bounds. Franz noted that my ability to smooth the cultural rift made me the perfect person to be lead negotiator with our meeting with the French Brand. The Parisienne Lawyer for the French company also trusted my neutrality and etiquette. For the rest of the week over hours of negotiations I was relied upon as a fair and neutral voice that facilitated the discussion and resolution of the conflict. Both sides stopped seeing me as a representative of the Americans and more as a neutral mediator. A new multimillion-dollar contract was reached, the conflict resolved, and I was appointed as the one to mediate all future disagreements between the parties. Champagne was popped at a fine French restaurant and Franz was proud to see Brian order Vichy water instead of diet coke.

I mportance of culture, etiquette, and style in a French-American mediation

As an American Mediator you have to overcome the negative stereotypes the French love to perpetuate about Les Americans. As the above story revealed, style and etiquette are as important as a mediator's skill. You aren't going to earn respect from a French client if you show up in your Costco Kirkland slacks and Van Heusen oversized dress shirt. The French are snobs. They are pretentious. They will dissect your look, language, posture, and demeanor and form an opinion of you within seconds. If they don't believe you fit the part as an "International Mediator" you are going to have a hard time gaining trust and earning respect desperately needed for a successful mediation. I love the snobbery and pretentiousness. I love the etiquette at the restaurants and the formality of the French language. The Vous/Tu distinction of addressing people. The French language uses the subject pronouns Vous (Formal and proper) and Tu (Informal). An entire verb conjugation and complex grammatical formulation follows for each verb tense. One should never mix them up. You have to have a good conversational grasp of the French language to be successful.

Why so stuck up? Its history mon ami. France is the land of Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior and Louis Vuitton. It's also the land of Jean Paul Sartre, Renee Descartes and Voltaire. The French love intellectuals. If you are an intellectual and classy in your appearance you will earn big points. Was Sartre correct that "hell is other people?" "Every man is guilty of the good he did not do," Voltaire. If you want to play in the arena of French-American Mediation you are going to have to learn the languages spoken literally, figuratively, and philosophically. The French have a special admiration for intellectuals.

In the French setting there is a lot of what we would call small talk. Except it's not only about sports and weather. It will often go to issues of global politics mixed in with philosophical responses. Show up in a Christian Dior suit, stylish shoes and for goodness' sake don't order ze diet coke. Try the Chateaux Margaux. Bonne chance mesa mis!